No Pants Dreams
Yes, I got caught outside naked in public in a dream last night.
We’ve all had them.
Sometimes, we dream that, somehow, we left the house without any pants on and didn’t even notice, even though it’s cold outside. Then we get all the way out there to some plaza in the middle of the city or something before we realize we forgot our pants and try to sneak home without being seen.
I had one of those dreams last night, except it wasn’t just my pants. I found myself out at night, far from home, without a stitch.
It was early morning, and no one was around. I ran and hid in the darkness of an unoccupied building and called my wife to bring me some clothes. I have no idea how, or rather where, I was carrying a cell phone.
However, before she arrived, the lights inside the building came on! It was a place of business! People began arriving for work, walking past me and giving me scandalous looks! I saw a side door and escaped the hallway through it, quickly closing the door behind me and rushing deeper inside the room to find somewhere to hide in case someone followed me.
It was the company cafeteria! Thirty or so people were sitting around small tables, eating breakfast, drinking coffee, and socializing! Everything went silent and still, as all the eyes in the room turned to me. I looked down and saw a cabbage growing out of the floor at my feet, and quickly squatted down behind it to conceal the more important stuff.
Then my wife arrived. She rushed forward and put my bathrobe around my shoulders, mortified on my behalf, kind and consoling at my embarrassment. I felt the thick warmth of the bathrobe and found it soothing. My normal confidence in public began to return.
I pushed my arms, one by one, into the sleeves and pulled the bathrobe around me. Then I stood back to my full height of 6’4” and looked sternly out at the crowd as I knotted the sash tightly around my waist.
“It’s impolite to stare!” I scolded firmly.
I waited for the admonition to sink in. Many of them looked down at their plates.
I nodded at them and tilted my head playfully.
“The cabbage could have been taller, though.”